Friday, March 27, 2015

on the road to loving yourself first (special post for single mothers)

Most of us have a child with someone who is no longer around. He may be around for your child/children but hes no longer there for you. and that SUCKS. its hard to look at your child, who is half your ex, and not want to break down and cry. its hard not to think to yourself how badly you wanted a "family" for your child. Its so hard not to think that maybe if you would of done things differently that he would still be there for you.. Believe me. I know its hard to look at your child without having feelings that are very overwhelming.

Most of us just turn around and jump into another relationship without a care in the world because we don't want to be alone. and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, but what we don't realize is that we don't ever really take the time to love ourselves. Learning to love yourself is quiet possibly one of the most difficult things you will ever have to do in your life, but its also the most rewarding thing you can ever do for yourself, AND your kids. When you learn to love yourself  you will become a stronger person all around and other peoples opinions wont affect you anymore. You will be set free from whatever ties to your ex are holding you back from living your life.

But have you ever  sat down and thought about what loving yourself looks like? When I sat down and thought about it, I realized that after my daughters dad went our seperate ways, I  never really took the time to learn to love myself before settling down again. So I made it my mission to really focus on myself. and its truly changed my life.

"loving yourself" could be different for everyone because lets face it, we are all different and we all live different lives, but below is a very general list of ways you can love yourself:

1. Leave little reminders for yourself on your bathroom counter, in  your car, at your desk at work with cute sayings, inspirational quotes, and positive affirmation towards yourself. read them every time you glance at them. This is a huge thing for me since I am visual learner. you could even take a dry erase marker and write on your mirror "you're beautiful" or even a simple "have a great day". remember: one positive thought can change your whole day.

2.Start doing things that YOU enjoy doing and do them for YOURSELF. Remember when you stopped getting dinner with your girlfriends once every two weeks because your "man" didn't want you to? yeah,, now is your opportunity to start doing things like that again, FOR YOURSELF. and remember when you stopped wearing your hair a certain way because your "man " made a comment about how he didn't like it that way? again, now is your opportunity to start wearing your hair/make up however the hell you want because this is YOUR life and no one should be in charge of how you live it.

3.Stop worrying about your ex and his new girlfriend. let me repeat that again. STOP WORRYING ABOUT YOUR EX AND HIS NEW GIRLFRIEND. majority of your anxiety and heartache, at this point, are coming from you worrying about what hes doing, with who. at this point its not your business anymore. Now, before you think im being irrational when i say that, because believe me i know that is wayyyyyy easier said than it is done, remind yourself: if he was worth keeping you would still have him.

4. Delete your social media. okay, jk. I know that's hard because that is how most of us keep up with our family and friends. so unless you're bold enough to completely delete, at least delete people who bring nothing but negativity and drama to your life. ESPECIALLY if you are apart of the "instagram mom community" which most of you reading this are.. STOP feeding into the drama. stop constantly checking on your ex and his new girl. stop engaging it all together. that's honestly the best thing you can do for yourself and your child at this point.

5. Stop trying to prove yourself to anyone. You do not owe anyone an explanation for YOUR happiness. It is no one elses business what is going on in your life. remember that this is your life, not anyone elses. You are on your own pursuit of happiness and you're the only person who can decide what is best for you and your family. its going to be really hard to let go but when you're finally able to look back you're going to be so proud and thankful that you did. this is your opportunity to really be YOU and show the world what you're made of.

There are so many more tips that I can give but really is important here is realizing your self worth. One quote that has always stuck with me and I try to live by is "my value does not decrease due to your inability to see my worth".. And it's so true. Ladies, please remember that our children watch us. They watch and they learn our daily habits. Our motherly voices will eventually become their inner thoughts. I don't know about any of you, but I want my daughter to grow up knowing how to love herself. For more tips, please private message me. I'm always here to talk. I don't care who you are.. If you need someone to tell you you're beautiful or to tell you your worth, LET ME BE THAT PERSON! 

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