Monday, June 1, 2015

Be you, bravely.

Life is scary. And Life as a parent is even scarier.. There are days when I look at my daughter and I feel so weak because I'm scared...I don't know what the future holds for us. I don't know if a year from now, we will have a place to live. And I don't know if a year from now we will have food to eat.. I have the worst anxiety when it comes to the unknown factor about life, which I think most people, mothers in particular also have. The fear of the unknown, and the anxiety that comes with it is always lingering in the back of my mind. To me, that's probably the hardest part of motherhood.. Not knowing what is going to happen next. 

I've always been a planner. But the roller coaster of life with a 2 year old ALWAYS has unexpected twists and turns. And that's when bravery comes into play. Remember when you were a kid at an amusement park with your dad and older sibling? They were both so excited to get on this huge roller coaster but you were scared to death.. You faked a smile and you faked your excitement, but inside you were freaking out. Your heart was pumping, and that little voice inside your head was telling you, "you can do this, just breathe, just be strong." And you got on that roller coaster, and you rode it even though you were scared..that is called bravery. That is called being fearless. To me, fearless doesn't mean that you're not afraid. It means hat you're scared to death, but you do it anyway and you come out even stronger, even braver! 

And that's how I tackle life as a 21 year old, single, full-working mom. I use bravery. I tell myself at least 20-30 times a day to be brave..I tell myself to be strong and even though I'm scared, that I will be okay. I tell myself that I will make it through this. And that God has a plan for me. I wake up and tell myself that it will be a good day... 

And on days when my toddler decides that she wants to throw a tantrum in the middle of the grocery store because I won't let her eat the blue berries that we just put in the cart and I find myself losing my patience with her, seems to be too much to swallow..I remind myself that I am far from perfect, and that in order to grow, I have to make mistakes. 

I have to have moments where I'm unsure about what's going to happen next. I know that God has a plan for us, and if I just trust him, he will eventually show me why he has done the things he has done for me. I remember to tell myself it's just a bad day, not a bad life. And if i just just be me, bravely, I will get through it.. 

Motherhood is never easy. It's hard and it's messy, but those moments, when I find myself about to break down and cry because I've had enough, that I find the most bravery, and I find them to be the most rewarding. it truly helps me appreciate those precious moments after the tantrum that was just thrown when my daughter looks at me and says "I'm sorry mommy, I love you".. 

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