Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Email to my daughter 06/10/2015

I started and email account for my daughter where I periodically send her emails for her to read when she gets older. below is a copy of the first email I sent to her account:

Dear Mackenzee,
I should of started this email account 2 years ago, but I have been so busy trying to make a life for us that I never really found the time. I created this account for you so that you can look back and understand just how loved and wanted you are. This is for those nights when you're out there in the adult world, and you're feeling like your life is falling apart, and you feel like you're worthless.. This is to remind you just how much you've impacted and changed not only my life, but everyone around you. 

From the moment I found out you were growing inside me, you stole my heart. Every hiccup, every kick, every sleepless night has forever changed the way I look at life. The moment you took your first breath, I suddenly knew what true happiness was all about, and I couldn't help but feel so overwhelmed with an unconditional love for you. You're my entire heart. You're everything I have ever dreamed of and more. You're the most beautiful thing I've EVER laid eyes on and I cannot believe that god chose me to be your mother. I promise to always love you, even in the darkest nights just like you've loved me. 

You're two and a half right now, and life is so joyful for you. You're in preschool, and though you beg me not to take you every single day, I know you love it. You are so independent and you love playing with you friends at school. I hate having to leave you, but I am thankful that I have a full time job to go to so that I can provide for us. We live in a cozy little apartment that's somehow always covered in your toys. Right now, I am sharing custody of you with your dad. You spend equal amounts of time with each of us. Though I do not agree with your father and all the choices he makes, it is very important to me that you spend time with him and his family. It is important to me that you form your own opinion of him without any clouded judgement from anyone else. I want you understand that I will never try to get In between you and your father unless I feel that you are in harms way. I want you to understand that even though your father and I decided to raise you separately, that we created you together. You are both of ours. I don't want you to ever feel like you are not allowed to love him, or me for that matter, because we decided not to be a family. One day you will understand why we made the choice we did. 

Sometimes I wonder if you know just how beautiful you are. You've got these big blue eyes that just sparkle every single time you smile.  and you've got this laugh, it honestly is music to my ears. I know I may not always be the best mother. and I know that sometimes I make the wrong decisions when it comes to raising you. but I hope you understand that I am human. I am trying my hardest to raise you when I am still just a kid myself. I am trying my hardest to set an example of being a strong, independent woman who is always brave and always fearless, but that's not always the easiest. Sometimes I have these moments when I just want to break down and cry. Being a parent is hard. but being your parent is the most rewarding thing I've ever been apart of. Ill always cherish these memories. thank you for being such a free spirit, and teaching me the true meaning of love. ill love you forever, ill like you for always, as long as I'm  living my baby you'll be.

until next time, Love,
Momma 6/10/2015

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