Email sent to my daughter on 6/24/2015

little love,

You are at your dads this week and I am miss you so much. My heart literally aches when you're away from me. I realize how silly that sounds, but I've built my life around you. I've given you every single piece of my heart and when you are away from me it hurts. I honestly HATE having to share you. I wish the circumstances were different and I didn't have to share you, and I feel so selfish for thinking that way. I know this is what's best for you. One day you will know understand exactly what I mean by that.

I'm sitting here reminiscing and I just wanted to share this memory with you, last week I took you to Disneyland on Sunday (like I always do) and we had so much fun. Just seeing the way your face lights up when you randomly bump into Doc Mcstuffins on the street. or when you practically beg me to take you on the Little mermaid or "Ariel" ,as you call it, 5 times every time we go, makes me so incredibly happy. I took you to see the parade and my heart literally exploded and I started to tear up because of how excited you got. It makes me so happy to see you so happy.  I wish I could live those moments over and over. I secretly LOVE it when I pick you up from your dads and the first thing you say is "Mommy when are we going to Disneyland?!" You get so happy when I tell you that we will go on Sunday. Its become sort of a tradition for us. One of my favorites actually. I'm really excited because I am going to surprise you and take you to Disneyland on your birthday this year. We are going to have so much fun!

Its been a rough emotional few days for me, and I just wanted to tell you just how happy I am to be your mother. I've been typing this email for about 3 days now. And today you're coming home from your dads and I couldn't be more happy. I am so excited to see you! I've been looking at pictures of you when you were an itty bitty new born lately and it just put this overwhelming sadness that has trapped my heart. Its a weird feeling knowing that you'll never be as small again. But there is also an overwhelming joy because you're growing into such a beautiful little girl and that is a direct reflection of the way that you are being raised. I am so proud to be your mother. I love you.

Until next time,

Mommy